May 6, 2014

If I had to pick one thing that has had the biggest impact on my life, it would be that I chose to become a nurse. Now, I didn't really give myself much credit 20 years ago when I was graduating from high school in small, rural Loogootee, Indiana. I just figured I could be either a nurse or a teacher. Nothing else, and I mean, nothing (not even being a writer) was even an option. I'm thankful that my Mom planted the seed of a college education and never let it waver. Back then I was still living inside a zip code. I had seen more Amish people in my life than anyone of a different color or race. Can you imagine thinking that seeing a horse and buggy at the Dairy Queen drive thru was more normal than seeing a Black or Hispanic person?

It didn't take long outside of that zip code to open my mind up to the curiosity of different faces and places. A restlessness grew inside and I took advantage of every opportunity. Have nursing license, will travel- and I did. Looking back, my first trip out of country was to France. I was still in college and I went on a guided tour alone. I'm shocked that my parents held themselves together so well. As much as they had the right to put their foot down, they never really discouraged me from doing anything. Hmmm...I should be sure to thank them again and again and again - but sorry Dad...when you get old and senile, you're still going in a home! :-0

So after graduating college I was out...trust me, there were better options than the one I chose, but in reality, I wouldn't change anything. Back then I was much more serious than I am now- who knew it would take growing up to learn how to be silly, an art I would like to think I have perfected at this point. 

It was because of being a nurse that I have had the opportunity to impact lives, not by medications or dressing changes, but by caring. Learning to make a stranger as important to me as my own mother or father, sister or friend. There are so many foreheads that I've cooled with a cold wash cloth, and hands that I have held in dark, quiet rooms. The prayers, the tears, the inner screaming "God please do something" as I performed CPR on 4 month old Joseph, to no avail. Fighting the good fight, and a lot of times fighting a losing battle, against my will, if my will were ever even allowed a choice. The suffering isn't always in the patient lying in the bed. I believe the majority of the suffering is experienced by those left behind when that bed becomes empty, because the ones left to live on will carry that with them. There takes a certain mindset to embrace the care of a dying patient. I consider it an honor. To be at the passing of a life is like nothing else in nursing. Sometimes it's quiet, expected, and solemn, with families surrounding the patient. Sometimes it's violent. CPR, bright lights, alarming monitors, and loud, urgent voices. Even when studies show the survival rate of someone who has coded in a hospital are only 20% or something, we still carry on the beating of a body into submission for the sake of possibly living another day. When does the body's will to die become less important than the mind's will to live. Of course our mind will want to live, in my mind I'm still celebrating my 30th birthday, and would never think of giving up, until someone, maybe a nurse, or a loved one, reminds me that I am the mind of a 30 yr old, but not the body. What's the saying...It's not the age, it's the odometer reading! Our body is only as strong as it's weakest link. 

Life has unfolded in front of me and destinies have played out. I have seen the best and worst there is and still manage to love my job. I don't do it for the money. Most people I know, that aren't in the medical field, have said "You couldn't pay me enough to do what you do." You're probably right I say. What is the value of a nurse? What is the value of the person in the hospital for 12 hours at a time taking care of your neighbor, your teacher, your grandparent, your child, you? What price tag can be put on caring for those in need? Possibly saving a life, and sometimes not?

I have the answer. 

Allow me to care for my patients, pay me a competitive market wage, and give me the resources and time that allow me to do the best that I can. Being able to make a difference in a person's life is it's own reward, don't crush that, take it for granted, or brush it aside as insignificant. Don't demolish that place in my heart and soul that allows me to work non-stop for 12 hours, giving everything I have physically, mentally, and emotionally. If you commercialize and reduce Nursing "Care" into strict numbers and budgets, supply chains and quotas, you will break me, my spirit, and my love for a profession that is already taxed and damaged. I cringe at the thought of being a patient 30 years from now. I will not have my children at my side, because they don't exist, my family will also be aging, and when I'm there in that hospital bed, the last thing I want is someone who is supposed to be nursing me back to health making me feel like a number instead. And should the time come that the will of my body has met it's end, may there be a nurse there that will take the time to wipe my forehead and hold my hand in my dark quiet room.

Yours,

Brooke