April 30, 2014

I have a thousand thoughts going through my mind and can't decide on where to start...do I talk, men, work, friends, failures...?? Hell...my dating scene pretty much covers all of those!
Although, I'm not typing very well because yesterday I was beaten and bruised when I was pushing a mannequin in a wheelchair with one hand, and pulling a computer on wheels in the other down a short, somewhat steep slope which had the computer attempting to sling shot around me and the mannequin to win what must have been a heated race between the two--- it really was roller derby all up in my business and if only the big black guy watching had caught it on video I would surely be an internet sensation by now...  damn it, I would be so good VIRAL!. Maybe next time..
So, there I was...dating again.
If I didn't have bad luck with men, I would have no luck at all...you could also exchange the letter L in luck with an F and that would also be true. Seriously....I've spent the last few months doing the casual dating thing and trying to keep an open mind, but is it too much to ask that the date show up on time and not 45 minutes late for a first date...reason being he's just not good with punctuality?... Really fucktard???...that's what you're going with...and the morbid thing I was thinking..."this asshat came up with that as his BEST excuse..what in the hell was really going on?" I'm not sure I should have let this guy buy a vowel much less dinner..but then decided..hey..free meal, and some free drinks the next few times we end up at the same bar again..might as well re-coup my time wasted with some nice adult beverages. Strike one.
Another guy seemed to have some real potential...I should have known when he said he didn't drink that I shouldn't even waste my time- but it really does end up being the little things... this guy couldn't even pick an appetizer much less make an executive decision on something (so I am assuming)..I really do judge a person based on their ability to perform easy, simple, everyday things..hell I pretty much divorced my first husband because he routinely forgot to flush the toilet after he shit or remember to check the mail...it infuriated me to no end...So if a MAN can't get it together enough at the age of 36 what kind of appetizer he likes to eat, then for the love of God stick with dating women who get baffled as easily as you do (because really....in my life- I don't find MENUS to be complex, difficult reading..it's pretty cut and dry, you either like something or you don't, and the last time I checked appetizer menus haven't changed a whole lot). Strike two.
In the end I just want to hang out with my bartender friend Bill...he tells better jokes than me, can keep up with my wit and sarcasm,  is hysterically crude, and his Grandfather is from Loogootee. All excellent features in my book. Bill and I get each other. No need for smoke and mirrors, false airs, or even hiding the broken parts of ourselves. We are the type of friends that have evolved over drinks and incredibly bad karaoke. We've shared some of our war stories and left some untold- understanding that some things should remain buried- we have both traveled near and far- lived the good life and the living on shoe string life- We find ourselves in this tiny section of the universe, just trying to enjoy the ride while it's still in motion. He has come to settle in my soul like Suzanne, Tara, Kelly and Carrie- all people who have earned my love and devotion for always accepting me for who I am, for being honest with me and hard on me when I needed it. As simple as it may sound, I don't have really strict criteria for these few splendid folks..I only ask that they see me clearly for the person I am- faulty, funny, moody, goofy, and support me as I stumble and fumble through life. They expect nothing more from me, than me just being me...which is really fucking awesome.

Dear Bill-
You are by far the most politically incorrect, can't believe you called me a slave owner, amazingly hysterical person I know. You may never understand the immense adoration I have for you or maybe you will...just enjoy the ride with me.
Yours-
Brooke