There are self-help books, motivational TED talks, therapists, and even fortune cookies that ladle out advice on everything. If you don't have anything wrong with you, go to the self-help aisle in a bookstore and be quickly corrected. Apparently some of us can't even get sleep right. I have no qualms sharing the subjects of some of the many, many self-help books I've read in my life. Most are the everyday stuff like weight loss, diet and exercise, happiness, healing, alcohol abuse, finances, what religion I most closely identify with (apparently it was Hindu at the time) how to be a better Christian, restoring energy, depression, suicide, even finding my own north star. Truthfully, it's mostly pop psychology or a current fad like The South Beach diet, now more detailed and called Paleo. And Oprah has been the author of more than one of the books I've read.
Ugh- it's exhausting. Literally.
I'm going to guess that I'm not the only person who has felt like a failure about a week after finishing one of these types of books. I can never seem to get a hang of the very simple 937 steps it would take to lose weight, eat an anti-inflammatory diet, or get to my North Star with my "Untethered Soul" and it has really started to get on my nerves.
Am I right? These things aren't rocket science. It's not complicated to understand the "calories in -calories out" math. I've set goals for setting goals, that's how much of a perfectionist I have been. I've also sat with myself and given myself some grace that I may not be able to win everyone as a friend or influence anyone. Truth be told, I would settle for being nice enough to myself to be considered my own friend, and then maybe I would actually be able to influence my own behavior in positive and lasting ways.
Brene Brown has been my favorite hero now for five years or so. Daring Greatly profoundly changed my relationship with the rest of the world. Rising Strong as a Spiritual Practice opened the window I needed to stop apologizing for all the ways I was too much, or not enough for other people. I have learned a thing or two through all of this, but it was today that I finally had that real AH- HA moment that has been so elusive.
James Clear wrote the book Atomic Habits and I've only started listening to it today on my walk. It will apparently give instructions on how to create habits that can change your life. I will briefly explain his reasoning- We do not reach a goal because one day we have done enough of this or that and it just happened. I've set a million goals, and setting that goal, whether s.m.a.r.t. or not, didn't help me achieve it. Don't we all want to lose weight and get in shape? The crux of my ah-ha moment is that in our lives we make tiny, insignificant decisions, changes in 1% of our everyday lives according to the author. These decisions, at the moment, are harmless. But when today's decision is repeated tomorrow, and the next day, it doesn't take long for a habit to form- good or bad. For me, depressive thinking became a habit. It was years of accumulating decisions in my behaviors and thought patterns that ultimately allowed me to become incapacitated by my own mind. A few months ago I described doing sit ups while going through some bizarre overwhelming sadness that came on out of the blue. The sit ups got rid of the overwhelming sadness. It was my DECISION, that 1%, to just do SOMETHING besides sitting tearful on the couch that likely changed the trajectory of my life. According to Clear, it is not the goal that matters, it is the systems we use in life that need adjusted 1% everyday that will facilitate the goal becoming a reality. Have you ever tried to stop drinking soda or smoking, just to be frustrated and cranky? It's because the systems in our lives weren't adjusted to succeed. For example, I'm fairly excited to say that I haven't had Dr. Pepper in my refrigerator for months. Although I will still drink one if I go out. But, I started ordering sweet tea, and now I order half and half tea. The system that shapes my Dr. Pepper habit is slowly being changed. Maybe you get in the car and you are used to lighting a cigarette right at the beginning. That is a system at work that you can influence, 1% at a time.
I've stopped having the inner dialogue that what I cook won't turn out right and I'll wish I had eaten out instead. I allow myself only 10 minutes of snoozing, and then 5 minutes of looking at the notifications on my phone for the last "snooze session" and when the alarm rings for the final time, I'm up and out of bed. I think this notion of 1% at a time will be very powerful for me when it comes to my self-talk. If my mind starts nagging, whining, berating, calling names or anything else, I'm just going to stop, say a quick thank you to God, and get on with life. I don't need to mull over every negative detail that shows up, sticks out, or demands attention. Which reminds me of something we did in Bali during the women's retreat, and that was to put the bitch in the box. That haughty, mean spirited, troll of a voice that can ruin a perfectly good piece of pie, or marriage, or life.
Ah, yes.... things are already in motion that in a month, a year, a decade from now- will transform how I approach the art of life. This is very, very good. A
Ugh- it's exhausting. Literally.
I'm going to guess that I'm not the only person who has felt like a failure about a week after finishing one of these types of books. I can never seem to get a hang of the very simple 937 steps it would take to lose weight, eat an anti-inflammatory diet, or get to my North Star with my "Untethered Soul" and it has really started to get on my nerves.
Am I right? These things aren't rocket science. It's not complicated to understand the "calories in -calories out" math. I've set goals for setting goals, that's how much of a perfectionist I have been. I've also sat with myself and given myself some grace that I may not be able to win everyone as a friend or influence anyone. Truth be told, I would settle for being nice enough to myself to be considered my own friend, and then maybe I would actually be able to influence my own behavior in positive and lasting ways.
Brene Brown has been my favorite hero now for five years or so. Daring Greatly profoundly changed my relationship with the rest of the world. Rising Strong as a Spiritual Practice opened the window I needed to stop apologizing for all the ways I was too much, or not enough for other people. I have learned a thing or two through all of this, but it was today that I finally had that real AH- HA moment that has been so elusive.
James Clear wrote the book Atomic Habits and I've only started listening to it today on my walk. It will apparently give instructions on how to create habits that can change your life. I will briefly explain his reasoning- We do not reach a goal because one day we have done enough of this or that and it just happened. I've set a million goals, and setting that goal, whether s.m.a.r.t. or not, didn't help me achieve it. Don't we all want to lose weight and get in shape? The crux of my ah-ha moment is that in our lives we make tiny, insignificant decisions, changes in 1% of our everyday lives according to the author. These decisions, at the moment, are harmless. But when today's decision is repeated tomorrow, and the next day, it doesn't take long for a habit to form- good or bad. For me, depressive thinking became a habit. It was years of accumulating decisions in my behaviors and thought patterns that ultimately allowed me to become incapacitated by my own mind. A few months ago I described doing sit ups while going through some bizarre overwhelming sadness that came on out of the blue. The sit ups got rid of the overwhelming sadness. It was my DECISION, that 1%, to just do SOMETHING besides sitting tearful on the couch that likely changed the trajectory of my life. According to Clear, it is not the goal that matters, it is the systems we use in life that need adjusted 1% everyday that will facilitate the goal becoming a reality. Have you ever tried to stop drinking soda or smoking, just to be frustrated and cranky? It's because the systems in our lives weren't adjusted to succeed. For example, I'm fairly excited to say that I haven't had Dr. Pepper in my refrigerator for months. Although I will still drink one if I go out. But, I started ordering sweet tea, and now I order half and half tea. The system that shapes my Dr. Pepper habit is slowly being changed. Maybe you get in the car and you are used to lighting a cigarette right at the beginning. That is a system at work that you can influence, 1% at a time.
I've stopped having the inner dialogue that what I cook won't turn out right and I'll wish I had eaten out instead. I allow myself only 10 minutes of snoozing, and then 5 minutes of looking at the notifications on my phone for the last "snooze session" and when the alarm rings for the final time, I'm up and out of bed. I think this notion of 1% at a time will be very powerful for me when it comes to my self-talk. If my mind starts nagging, whining, berating, calling names or anything else, I'm just going to stop, say a quick thank you to God, and get on with life. I don't need to mull over every negative detail that shows up, sticks out, or demands attention. Which reminds me of something we did in Bali during the women's retreat, and that was to put the bitch in the box. That haughty, mean spirited, troll of a voice that can ruin a perfectly good piece of pie, or marriage, or life.
Ah, yes.... things are already in motion that in a month, a year, a decade from now- will transform how I approach the art of life. This is very, very good. A
