Something happens when you fall in love. It is a beautiful, light, giddy feeling. It's that ridiculous perma-grin you wear around and how you whistle walking through the rain drops. The beloved one, the reason for your bliss has surely been chosen because of the years of testing and trials with others that just never quite worked. A day, a week, a moment into the whole gorgeous thing and flashes of happily ever after roll through your mind. At first they might only be snippets of thoughts and visions, but as you get more comfortable with the beloved your mind allows those snippets to become full on technicolor hopes, wishes and dreams. Pintrest has nothing on the future you've built in your mind with this perfect mate. Happily ever after begins in the lives of two people who want nothing more than to share in the love and joy they have found in each other. So thankful to have found and to have been found, feeling blessed that finally things seem to be falling in place. This is where Love is at it's best. Acting on its best behavior and going through life with the greatest of ease. But I'll-be-go- to-hell if Life doesn't come right along and punch Love in the gut. Life can be such a bully. Demanding and demeaning, Life pulls out no stops to keep the tides turning. Joining two complex minds with rich pasts of various forms of hurts, pains, betrayals, and finely honed lists of expectations, Life has a buffet of ammunition to use against Love when Love is at its most vulnerable. Love is strong and very powerful. It can hold two souls together through the most traumatic of experiences- Love will step in front of a bullet or a speeding car. Love will surrender its last breath for the beloved one to continue on. Now, besides those high stake moments of life and death, the majority of the time Life is whispering in the ear saying nagging little things about what Love should be doing, what Love would be doing if only, and generally undermining Love's feelings of "we" and reinforcing the feelings of "me". Life likes to keep score and flaunt who's winning, which never seems to be Love- it's always the Beloved. Love begins to feel undervalued, unappreciated, and over worked. Life always has that secret weapon, the kryptonite to Love's blissful life- Fear. Fear acts on Love in subtle, sneaky ways. It has the innate ability to put emotions into play that just don't make sense. Fear knows those past hurts, pains and betrayals and dresses up in them as current, massive issues, when in fact they don't belong in the present at all. Fear takes up residence in the backseat of the mind, while anger, doubt, and frustration drive the whole damn train of chaos. All the while, Life skips around sprinkling usual daily stress with the occasional full on crisis to keep Love teetering on the edge of uneasiness and complete breakdown. Now our couple in Love is not living in some tiny vacuum..of course not, they live in the big world with the rest of us- there are families, jobs, coworkers, money, health issues, bills, terrorist attacks, natural disasters and about a million different ways that two people are interacting with the world around them, you know, trying to survive.
Because the two are in their Happily Ever After, they don't think to really DO anything about it in the beginning..you know, because it's just Life. Love and Beloved argue and fight and go forward thinking it'll just blow over, that things will get back to normal, back to that blissful stage when Life couldn't put a dent in Love. But the scorecards keep getting added up, Fear keeps flashing old pain in their minds' eyes and Life exhausts the two. No longer fighting for the same team, Love and Beloved are lost in a storm of Life's creation and they can't remember who "we" were and are struggling to just keep the "me" alive. Doubt in Love causes a bigger divide and can be the knife that cuts through the hearts of Love and Beloved. Fighting for Love when the two are on different teams is rarely the way to win at Love. Love must remember how to win at LIFE.
1. Be gracious for the day at hand- do not take for granted.
2. Be courageous in the face of Fear, but also be smart. Arm yourself with self awareness, the healing of past pains, and a healthy self-esteem. Do not delay healing your soul.
3. Don't sweat the small stuff. Learn to let go of the perfect for the wonderful.
4. Take care of your health- physical, mental, emotional and spiritual- get check ups in each of these and don't deny needs when they arise.
5. Seek first to understand then to be understood.
6. Do things that make you laugh...and do them as often as possible.
7. Own your issues and don't blame them on anyone else. Giving someone else ownership strips you of your power to deal with them.
8. Look forward to tomorrow and have a "tool box" of ideas for making it the best day ever.
9. Don't do anything in excess- eat, drink, sleep, work- find balance in all areas of your life.
10. Learn to quiet your mind, control your thoughts, and manipulate those thoughts into loving, helpful, and beneficial thoughts only. Do not believe everything you think, especially if it's hurtful or negative.
11. Choose to love and be loving, but don't forget to be lovable.
12. Know yourself, through and through, and love that person the most.
Dear Love and Beloved-
I know things are awful right now and that no amount of anything seems to make a difference. Be patient, be kind, and don't forget why you picked each other for your Happily Ever After. The best love stories are those of triumph over heartbreak...be each other's love story, but also be each other's Love.
Forever Yours Truly,
Brooke
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