So there I was, YELLING at my patient...."HOLD YOUR HORSES!!!" at midnight, in an Intensive Care Unit. The cause for this I have narrowed down to 6 possible reasons: a) He's a total and complete asshole who barks ridiculous orders every 2.36 seconds b) my last nerve got ran over by some bitch in an Escalade
c) the nursing profession might not have been the best choice for me d) Karma is rearing its ugly head and I am apparently going to be a Dung Beetle in my next life e) my tank of compassion and caring ran out a long time ago and the price to refuel is too high f) all of the above and possibly PMS.
Now, let's consider reason a) for a minute. This man was 300 pounds and 5'6", could barely hold up his own arm and continually wanted ME to stand HIM up. HIM the not so much a brick shit house but more like a pizza dough port-a-potty kind of guy (without the warm dough smell thank Christ!) who could allow toddlers to use his enormous gut (read: FUCKING HUGE) as a trampoline. A seriously good reason I propose. Nevertheless, b) does have some merit because I swear that Walmart pipes in "crazy" into the air vents and each shopping experience takes 15.8 years off of some one's ability to cope with ridiculousness. So, valid by any one's definition. Reason c) holds water although for the last 15 years as a nurse, 80% of the time I have been able to control my shit, but still 20% of dealing with customer service and wiping ass tends to take a toll. It's looking to be a very tight race here. d) in an effort to not piss off the Karma gods, I will say that I deserve to be a Dung Beetle and will solemnly swear to do it with grace and compassion. Now e) reasoning tells us that attitude and care really are things that should come to us when we see others in need, feel strong emotion and empathy- I say forget about it.. when you put on a happy face and bounce around like there's sunshine coming out of your ass for years and years, one should be allowed a bad day. I will attempt to refuel my care and compassion tanks while listening to Sarah Mclachlan sing for those sad, abused, neglected animals. Oh..and the commercials for the kids with flies around their faces. As you can see, all reasons are valid so..F) U win..!
You know who else I would like to tell to hold their horses? Jillian Michaels. Sure I would like to be "Ripped in 30" but you bantering on about "GET SOME" only makes me want to claw your eyes out with a pitchfork. Really...Get some of what exactly? A torn ACL, a jacked up rotator cuff?? I'm getting as good as I can with my wimpy arms, non-existent core, and buddha belly thank you very much. So keep your nonsensical phrases (and I dare say sexual innuendo) to yourself.
Dear Elohim, I recognize that attitude is a choice and that in essence what we think, we are. So forgive me for lacking in the "grin and bear it" category. All things considered, I don't think I'm a bad person, I just think I have an incredibly accurate "bullshit" detector and must respond accordingly. BUT, if you could bestow on me an ever increasing amount of compassion, I would greatly appreciate it. Your faithful servant, Brooke "who wants to get some pizza?" Albertson
