So there I was...walking down the street in hurricane like winds and a wind chill that would make a polar bear's balls shrivel....when I realized that my eye balls were frozen. Ok..maybe not frozen- frozen, but that semi frozen state that one might get if they take the ice cube trays out of the freezer before the ice is frozen all the way through. Yes..some of us still use ice cube trays. And yes we might be the same people that don't own a TV or a Microwave and instead of telling people the truth, that it's just not in the budget right now, someone might say it's because they are trying to eat healthier and don't believe in eating zapped food. That same person may also say that she doesn't own a TV because she doesn't watch TV, which would be true, but she would never admit that she wouldn't turn one down if someone wanted to give her one as a gift (42" LED Hi-def optional).
Anyway..walking down the street this afternoon in the eyeball freezing wind I realized something vital to my experience of being a returning Hoosier→I'm smart enough to know better than to walk down the street in eyeball freezing wind. HELLO! I keep hearing Jeff Dunham's puppet Walter saying "Dumbass". Rule #492 when there are other means of reaching a destination that don't involve freezing necessary anatomical parts, use it. Regardless of how painfully slow it is..People Mover my fat fanny- (I've seen marathons finish faster).
I shouldn't complain (read: I'm going to complain). I have a great job.. I think. I've spent the bulk of the last month in Central Nursing Orientation- the best thing I've learned so far, and the scariest, is that a liver can be 3/4 damaged before ever showing signs of liver disease. So I am even more pleased with myself for taking Milk Thistle when I drink. What is scary about all that liver talk is that all of a sudden we might end up looking like we got a bad bottle tan one day and the next thing ya know we're coo coo for cocoa puffs, being tied to a bed, and shitting ourselves to death. That seems like a bad end to a good time! Surely there's another way--- which got me to thinking about drinking and partying and the whole thing. What really is the purpose of drinking a few drinks.. to relax a little in an uncomfortable situation, unwind from a hectic day, to celebrate something, and all other kinds of things...but really think about that...do I really need a substance to help me feel comfortable talking to strangers or being in an awkward situation...um, NO-I'm sorry- have you met me: Queen of the inappropriate comment. To unwind from a hectic day, I have three words for you: crawl to bed; Celebrating something?? caffeinated cake would probably do the trick.As far as everything else goes...wait..am I actually trying to make some sort of argument about not drinking. Strike THAT from the record...not my intention. Was just wondering why I drink, because in reality liquor and beer don't taste great, aren't refreshing to me, and at the end of the day cost too much. Hmmm....I never considered not drinking.
Why start now, 3/4 of my liver could be shot to hell and I could very well be on my way to shitting myself to death and folks...THAT is a good reason to drink!
Cheers!
Brooke
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Saturday, February 9, 2013
February 8, 2013
Sometimes the heart breaks in order for it to get bigger.
To no longer be fixed in a place of comfort, but to grow in a space of challenge and acceptance of the task to conquer those challenges.
Love and happiness are not pulled from a shelf, dusted off, and then put back on display.
They are worn in our voices, our posture, our smiles; they exist in our actions. They may come from within, but often times we take our own thoughts as the last ones to believe in. I needed to be shown what real love and happiness is. Everyone defines it differently to them, and for me it required a lot of consistency- 9 months of pushing him away and him being able to love me through his own heart break. I begged him to let me go. His love was too painful for me. Until the day I woke up and realized I deserved it. But by then, it was too late, he had let me go.
I struggle between moving forward in the hope of one thing or moving forward in the moment of the day at hand. Hope is a prison and a paradise.
I will continue to hope.
Hi Love-
I miss your great smile. I hear it over the phone, but it's not the same. I miss the eyes that took one look and knew what I was thinking and feeling. The feeling of your arms around me and my head on your chest..healing and accepting. But I can't live in that space..I visit it temporarily..any longer and I would drown. I think of you laughing and being comfortable and happy in your life. Of being the guy who is just trying to do the best that he can. What's that Garth Brooks song..."The Dance"- I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go.... I could've missed the pain, but I'd had to miss the dance.
Always-
B.
To no longer be fixed in a place of comfort, but to grow in a space of challenge and acceptance of the task to conquer those challenges.
Love and happiness are not pulled from a shelf, dusted off, and then put back on display.
They are worn in our voices, our posture, our smiles; they exist in our actions. They may come from within, but often times we take our own thoughts as the last ones to believe in. I needed to be shown what real love and happiness is. Everyone defines it differently to them, and for me it required a lot of consistency- 9 months of pushing him away and him being able to love me through his own heart break. I begged him to let me go. His love was too painful for me. Until the day I woke up and realized I deserved it. But by then, it was too late, he had let me go.
I struggle between moving forward in the hope of one thing or moving forward in the moment of the day at hand. Hope is a prison and a paradise.
I will continue to hope.
Hi Love-
I miss your great smile. I hear it over the phone, but it's not the same. I miss the eyes that took one look and knew what I was thinking and feeling. The feeling of your arms around me and my head on your chest..healing and accepting. But I can't live in that space..I visit it temporarily..any longer and I would drown. I think of you laughing and being comfortable and happy in your life. Of being the guy who is just trying to do the best that he can. What's that Garth Brooks song..."The Dance"- I'm glad I didn't know the way it all would end, the way it all would go.... I could've missed the pain, but I'd had to miss the dance.
Always-
B.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)