So there I was......sitting on a stack of cushions listening to The Guru speak about spirituality. It was myself and one other young woman who I will only call..The Tart. Seriously..who wears a black lace shirt to hear someone speak about the mysteries of the universe? Who? I'll tell you...The Tart. I digress.. so at this juncture in my life I have basically buried the crazy Naturopath in to the back recesses of my mind and decided that my quest will continue. Which leads us back to the stack of cushions, The Guru, and The Tart. He's exactly what you are picturing. White linen pants, long white linen shirt, a simple long brown beaded necklace, barefoot and just shy of waist long straight gray hair. Oh yeah..I was totally feeling the vibe. Vibe, incense overdose...whatever. He's very interesting. "All that is, is all there ever was and all there will ever be." Pretty straight forward stuff. I think he was dumbing it down for you know who.. but, I can't really be sure. He talked about things and as he would say something, I would naturally think in my mind (where else right?) of a comment or maybe a question. Which he would then respond to. I swear this guy was reading my mind. SWEAR. Which was a thought I eventually had while sitting on that cushion. It went something like this----"Wow, he's totally reading my mind. Amazing. Thank God I'm not thinking about his penis. OH SHIT, now he knows I'm thinking about his penis. I have to stop thinking, penis. Shit. The more I try not to think about it.. the more I'm.. fuck..don't visualize it! Shit. Row row row your boat gently down the stream. penis. marrily marrily marrily marrily whew no penis, life is but a dream." Yep. Who's the Tart now? Needless to say, eye contact was a bit tricky afterwards.
Is it just me? Does any of this happen to other people? I'm sure it must. I mean come on. I'm sure The Guru has been in many a meditation and known exactly who passed a silent "all that was for lunch" fart. I'm certain. Hell he could probably tell what the main course was.
Do they have homes for people like me? Maybe home is not the right word. I think the word I'm looking for is institution.
Let's change the subject before anyone gets any ideas.
April 14th is the 100 year Anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic and I have been invited to a "Titanic" party. Yes, a costume is required. They will be handing out cards that tells whether you were in steerage, first class, etc. My take on the whole thing is that there is no damn way I'm putting on a long skirt, high collared shirt and some ridiculously offensive hat. But..I don't want to be a party pooper, so I will go dressed in all white- as, wait for it, the iceberg! bwaahhhahahahaha. I just kill me! This is important because later in the evening I have a 40th birthday party to go to and at least I can go out in public in all white and no one will think anything of it. Then again this is Vegas and if I had some early 1900's get up on people might give me money to take a picture with me. Hmm...a thought to consider.
Dear All That Is- I know it's been awhile since we've chatted. You've been especially kind to me lately and I would like to express my gratitude. I know with my recent breakup that I might have some karma coming at me and I'm ready for anything you throw at me. Not like that whole "penis" incident. That totally took me by surprise. Well played on that one by the way. So thanks for your gifts and glory, and The Hunger Games. Katniss totally rocks. Your faithful servant, Brooke aka The Tart.
