Saturday, December 24, 2016
So there I was...: Dec 24th- What I have learned in 2016
So there I was...: Dec 24th- What I have learned in 2016: If I had to summarize 2016 in one word- it would be 'heartbreaking', the entire spectrum of the word. Civilized Americans went on ...
Dec 24th- What I have learned in 2016
If I had to summarize 2016 in one word- it would be 'heartbreaking', the entire spectrum of the word.
Civilized Americans went on hateful rants everyday. Spewing judgment and intolerance onto anyone with a different view. What I feel should have happened this election year, is that those running for the POTUS should be vetted like the immigrants coming into this country. I'm sure that both Clinton and Trump would be labeled terrorists and not allowed entry into the United States. I think a better show of "united" states might have been a population that refuses to be bullied and bought by fake news, propaganda, and the media bias. How can we as a nation of civilized people, be unable to refuse the choices being presented to us for the leader of our country? Why and how, did our Presidential ballot have two "evils". It is truly disheartening.
I guess I have the answer to that, also due to my experiences this year.
The American people are lied to. Everyday. Lied to by news outlets reporting from all over the world. In fact, I've found that the truth of things reported is about 165 degrees in the opposite direction- or the information has no basis in reality whatsoever. We are merely puppets. Even thinking, investigating and coming to the conclusion that we are steered by the power elite of the world somehow still makes us pawns in a game we never wanted to play in the first place. Edward Snowden blew the whistle on the surveillance, worldwide, of unsuspecting people. The NSA and the governments of many countries around the world agreed to collect meta-data at a rate of 1 billion/per second, to store in case they might need it someday. I'm admitting right now that I have been the one to say- who cares- I haven't got anything to hide. I don't. But that no longer seems like a legitimate answer. The investigation into the NSA found testimony blatantly denying that it was happening and we're supposed to believe that they just stopped because new laws were passed?
Does anyone else think, as I do, that the corruption in our politics- home and abroad- is ...heartbreaking? I have lost any notion that the government of the United States is "for the people".
2016 has taught me that we are all terrorists. The bad guys who think they are good guys get to call the good guys terrorists. And terrorists get to call governmental authorities terrorists. And the American population gets to condemn anyone from the Middle East as a terrorist, for reasons I still can't understand. When Syrian citizens began to rebel against their government, President Bashir Assad, because of the corruption and distrust of their government (because of the killing of its civilians), guess what they were called? Terrorists. When the real terrorist was their president. Ironically, the "war on terror" made the United States terrorists in the Middle East and yet again the cycle of bloodshed continues.
As a side note- If a country is in the midst of a civil war and the US needs to pick a side- how do you think we would go about picking that side? It will be picked by deciding which side has more to offer us. Whether by trade, military advantages, or other capitalist objectives- I'm sure there are lots of noble things our country does around the world, I'm not saying that we are just a bullying, money and power hungry democracy. I'm saying that rose colored glasses shouldn't be the main pair you wear when reading or watching the news and it's coverage of our involvement in foreign affairs.
I also found a young Muslim man to be more filled with the light of God, then the people who have condemned him because of his ethnic and religious background, some of those people being in my own family. Which leads me to another lesson I learned in 2016- it is easier for people to hate and fear than to listen to logic and reason. The young muslim man has become like a brother to me. But I find it heartbreaking that it seems I have lost one to gain one.
After working in the ICU setting for the majority of my career, I have discovered that stepping away from the bedside of critical care has not released the burden of stress I feel during non-critical nursing care. I am sure that this could be classified as post-traumatic behavior, the compulsion to wait for something terrible to the patient right in front of me. To prepare my work area for worst-case scenarios and being highly sensitive to others who don't see the thousands of potential things that could go wrong (maybe because they've never worked critical care). And jumping into another nurse's care of a patient when I was certainly not invited to do so and it certainly wasn't a life or death situation, is apparently considered unhelpful and bossy. The residual of years working in a very fast paced, high stress department has made me a not so favorite nurse to work with and this year, I've been humbled.
2016 has taught me that last conversations can be haunting, first impressions can be completely wrong, and that the dog nose prints left on the back windows of my car can be more important than a huge jar of her ashes. Even if it has been a year and half since I lost her.
2016 has also taught me that God answers my prayers, that making time to walk through the bible and getting to understand His message for me is more important than exercise in treating my depression, and that gratitude to God for the miracle of my life is cause enough to spend the rest of it showing others the love and grace He has shown me. I have learned that when in doubt, kneel.
Civilized Americans went on hateful rants everyday. Spewing judgment and intolerance onto anyone with a different view. What I feel should have happened this election year, is that those running for the POTUS should be vetted like the immigrants coming into this country. I'm sure that both Clinton and Trump would be labeled terrorists and not allowed entry into the United States. I think a better show of "united" states might have been a population that refuses to be bullied and bought by fake news, propaganda, and the media bias. How can we as a nation of civilized people, be unable to refuse the choices being presented to us for the leader of our country? Why and how, did our Presidential ballot have two "evils". It is truly disheartening.
I guess I have the answer to that, also due to my experiences this year.
The American people are lied to. Everyday. Lied to by news outlets reporting from all over the world. In fact, I've found that the truth of things reported is about 165 degrees in the opposite direction- or the information has no basis in reality whatsoever. We are merely puppets. Even thinking, investigating and coming to the conclusion that we are steered by the power elite of the world somehow still makes us pawns in a game we never wanted to play in the first place. Edward Snowden blew the whistle on the surveillance, worldwide, of unsuspecting people. The NSA and the governments of many countries around the world agreed to collect meta-data at a rate of 1 billion/per second, to store in case they might need it someday. I'm admitting right now that I have been the one to say- who cares- I haven't got anything to hide. I don't. But that no longer seems like a legitimate answer. The investigation into the NSA found testimony blatantly denying that it was happening and we're supposed to believe that they just stopped because new laws were passed?
Does anyone else think, as I do, that the corruption in our politics- home and abroad- is ...heartbreaking? I have lost any notion that the government of the United States is "for the people".
2016 has taught me that we are all terrorists. The bad guys who think they are good guys get to call the good guys terrorists. And terrorists get to call governmental authorities terrorists. And the American population gets to condemn anyone from the Middle East as a terrorist, for reasons I still can't understand. When Syrian citizens began to rebel against their government, President Bashir Assad, because of the corruption and distrust of their government (because of the killing of its civilians), guess what they were called? Terrorists. When the real terrorist was their president. Ironically, the "war on terror" made the United States terrorists in the Middle East and yet again the cycle of bloodshed continues.
As a side note- If a country is in the midst of a civil war and the US needs to pick a side- how do you think we would go about picking that side? It will be picked by deciding which side has more to offer us. Whether by trade, military advantages, or other capitalist objectives- I'm sure there are lots of noble things our country does around the world, I'm not saying that we are just a bullying, money and power hungry democracy. I'm saying that rose colored glasses shouldn't be the main pair you wear when reading or watching the news and it's coverage of our involvement in foreign affairs.
I also found a young Muslim man to be more filled with the light of God, then the people who have condemned him because of his ethnic and religious background, some of those people being in my own family. Which leads me to another lesson I learned in 2016- it is easier for people to hate and fear than to listen to logic and reason. The young muslim man has become like a brother to me. But I find it heartbreaking that it seems I have lost one to gain one.
After working in the ICU setting for the majority of my career, I have discovered that stepping away from the bedside of critical care has not released the burden of stress I feel during non-critical nursing care. I am sure that this could be classified as post-traumatic behavior, the compulsion to wait for something terrible to the patient right in front of me. To prepare my work area for worst-case scenarios and being highly sensitive to others who don't see the thousands of potential things that could go wrong (maybe because they've never worked critical care). And jumping into another nurse's care of a patient when I was certainly not invited to do so and it certainly wasn't a life or death situation, is apparently considered unhelpful and bossy. The residual of years working in a very fast paced, high stress department has made me a not so favorite nurse to work with and this year, I've been humbled.
2016 has taught me that last conversations can be haunting, first impressions can be completely wrong, and that the dog nose prints left on the back windows of my car can be more important than a huge jar of her ashes. Even if it has been a year and half since I lost her.
2016 has also taught me that God answers my prayers, that making time to walk through the bible and getting to understand His message for me is more important than exercise in treating my depression, and that gratitude to God for the miracle of my life is cause enough to spend the rest of it showing others the love and grace He has shown me. I have learned that when in doubt, kneel.
Saturday, December 3, 2016
December 3, 2016
I recently spent a weekend in New York City with 3 women that I have known for ages and who I admire and respect. A girls weekend for birthday celebrations, for the chance to escape from the everyday, and for the experience of adding to our collective histories. Two of them were sisters that I went to high school with and the other I met 15 years ago in Orlando. A sacred sister from the get go. One of the biggest changes, besides the obvious effect of the years that have passed, was the well known use of Uber. Forget catching a cab, log in and load your destination, and within minutes, some stranger, driving a Camry (they all seemed to drive Camrys) will get you to your destination. The problem with this is that the likelihood of your driver not being able to maneuver around Manhattan in any way besides the little red line on their cell-phone or iPad, are high. You end up being the schmucks in the middle of the intersection for 10 minutes, just because some map app decided that this particular one way street was better than the one previous. Then to arrive at our destination only to realize we could've walked the 3 1/2 blocks in less time than it took to get through the intersection of death.
Our dinner conversations were the second thing that had definitely changed. No laughter over Sex and the City episodes, or tales of long work outs that didn't seem to be giving the buns of steel they promised, or the topic that naturally followed of get skinny quick diets that some celebrity waif was selling in a 30 minute infomercial. The conversations ranged from the epic election that was only a few days away (the general consensus being that our government and the elected officials are more crooked than a game of Twister) to the various different growing pains we individually had struggled through in our recent years; depression, anxiety, divorce, job burnout, family strife, vulnerability, and the growing suspicion that embracing singleness for the blessings it offers was, in fact, the one shift in consciousness that made the milestones of life (or lack thereof) less rigid and overbearing. And those were just mine.
We also talked about children, life without them, futures that could involve them, and the state of childhood today. I recounted my flight into Newark. Sitting next to a woman who had moved to Lexington, from Manhattan, only a year ago. Our conversation was rich with honesty and one truth bomb (for her) she laid on me was that children are over-rated. She talked so lovingly about her two children and her partner, a man also from Manhattan (A side conversation was had about what to call someone you're in a relationship with when you're over the age of 40. Boyfriend being too juvenile, partner leaving the impression of a homosexual relationship, and mate sounding like an Australian drinking buddy). So she and her "man-friend," we jokingly called him, had opted to have children together without the marriage. She offered up explanations regarding her view of having had children. The fact that they are all consuming was a big one. Their basic needs up to and including loving them and feeling no other such emotion is astronomically complex in the emotional realm of life. Neglecting self and partner, for the treasures of your life, takes a portion of your psyche and fills it with guilt and shame for having thoughts that no one dares speak of for fear of being ostracized, or sent to an AA meeting. I applauded her for her honesty and ability to let it speak for itself.
There is more to this than just selfish reasons, in fact none of the reasons really sounded selfish to me. It's not about being unable to make lunch dates with the ladies, or traveling to exotic, lush resorts. It's about having your mind hijacked by fear, worry, stress, self-loathing, bitterness, anger, impatience, and unconditional love. Parenting is all consuming and it's in a world that demands more and more of one's attention, not as a parent, but as a citizen of this planet.
I know mothers who would not change their choice of having children for anything. That being a Mom has been their dream since they were children. It gives them meaning and ultimate happiness. They are women with gracious and generous souls.
I'm just going to say the majority of us in NYC were not in that category.
The world hasn't decided what to make of us. It's funny, thinking about being old without children to take care of me or grandchildren to spoil, used to leave me feeling uneasy. I have only just realized that I might not be in the minority in the future and I imagine my future being very much closer to the Golden Girls, then some grayish-green colored nursing home of loneliness.
No longer crazy old cat ladies or spinsters. I do think all of us have a maternal instinct, of various strengths of course, we are the singles that can mother, or father, the world.
A Metallica song comes to mind- "Wherever we may roam"- indeed, we'll be watching for the opportunities to pass on our values and wisdom. To be a blessing to any child at any time.
Ahh. Life is splendid.
Of course, some things never change. There was laughter, drinks, tears, and photo ops. There was a lost clutch, that had been in my Momma Sophia purse, that had apparently been replaced with an open bottle of Stella Artois. For sure, shenanigans are always called for.
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