January 4, 2013

So there I was ...dressy jeans and a black turtle neck sweater at a bar, by myself (no one else to go with me). Wearing pearl earrings for reasons I can't quite remember at this juncture. I'm a sucker for live music. Smoky rooms. Men with wedding rings. Ok...that last one only applies to tonight...he was adorable. and British. Anyway....a short lived flirtation is always a good thing.
I sat there while an over weight, although very talented, woman sang  "Party Rock" by LMFAO. I was instantly taken to the club at the Cosmopolitan in Las Vegas called Marquee. A place that had an incredible Monday night and that I went to probably a handful of times by myself (no one else around to go with me). On one particular night I was only slightly confused by the neon confetti, the ridiculous spandex, and some freaky skinny guy with a Fro that came out on stage...I had no idea who LMFAO was...but you can bet I did after that night.. What a great time..that place was an undulating wave of ecstasy. Not the drug. Just a vibe of brilliantly bright happiness. To sit in Indianapolis listening to a band cover something that I found so incredible at the time was....needless to say, bittersweet. I've been so fortunate to have such amazing memories. To have lived such wonderful places in this country and taken advantage of the best there was to offer.  It's addictive really. Going out. Not knowing where I might end up. Not knowing what I might find at the other side of my imagination. It's never really risky, although there are those who would be terrified to walk in the shoes I find so comfortable. It's not uncomfortable to me to be alone in public. I ate sushi alone tonight. I went to a bar alone to watch a band. I, by my own very strict criteria, am a very good date. What is the use of being single and amazing if it's not to go and do exactly what I want to do?

At 36 years old I am comfortable with a lot of things about myself. It's taken 36 years to get here, and I'm sure many more to get the rest of the way, but I'm happy with who I am, what I know, and my tendencies in life. I only hope that half the people I know are as comfortable in their own lives as I am in mine.

I've recently acquired some information. I'm not someone that goes around spouting religious ideologies. When I find something of value, I like to pass it along. Something like "Paying it Forward"...
I've always felt, and I guess believed, that life itself is just the tip of the iceberg. There is something so softly nagging and ever so insistent that has continually pulled on my conscious. Church Bound God has never made an impression. Preaching completely opposing views and never really saying anything of substance made me believe that Church was the last place I would find answers. I've been fortunate to be at the death beds of many, many people. To watch as they go. More often than not, it isn't with the last physical breath. Our loved ones most often leave us sooner than their earthly bodies do. We grieve at the side of soul less human forms. A most perfect example of the efficiency of such a complex creation. We can do our biding for days, sometimes weeks, until the body finally surrenders. Those who look, who feel, who listen with not just their eyes and ears, but with the core of their being, know when a loved one is out of earthly reach. The conundrum comes when the decision needs to be made about the next step...letting nature take it's course..and not the medical institution as we know it. For all those who have had a near death experience, I wonder how close they were to the death of the body? Were family members discussing over dark hospital hallways the idea of pulling the plug? Did they some how come back just in time? Is it all part of a bigger plan?
Consciousness. The minds ability to think, laugh, make jokes....to be human, are all about our consciousness.  Where does our consciousness come from? Where in the deep recesses of our mind does consciousness flow from?
Can I ask how to discern if my reality is the same as yours? If I ask you in my life- then it is only my reality that I am conscious of...I can not speak of anyone else's. There's a chance that this life is a "dream scape". A living, breathing motion picture of my own development, for my own betterment. It could, in fact be, the Matrix. LMFAO.
And around we go again.
What is, is what was, and what always will be.
In the end..we are all more than our physical selves.

Dear Om,
The people who have just read this blog post are probably scratching their heads and wondering what kind of sushi I ate. It's all good. But you know that already. Your faithful servant, Brooke laughing my fucking ass off Albertson.