December 11, 2012

The list of things that have happened since my last blog is mind boggling.
Here are the highlights:    depression, exhaustion, Hawaii with Suzanne (afuckingmazing), Obama re-elected, got the hell out of dodge (read Vegas), Aunt died (RIP Heidy with a Y-), new apartment in Indianapolis, pissed off some nurses in a peer interview- didn't get an ER job, spent 3 nights in my apartment TOTAL in the 20 days I've had it, have been living a guilt trip of my own mental making because of the great man who loves me, who I can't reciprocate the feelings for and last but not least-scrapped ice off my windshield for the first time in 6 years. 2 Weeks until Christmas...and it's so great to be home. I'm serious. No really.

To Summarize that lengthy list- I've gained 10 pounds from the sitting. Sitting on the plane, sitting on the beach, sitting in the car, sitting in the hospital, sitting at the funeral, sitting in the car some more. Sitting inside because it's the freaking North Pole out there at 31 degrees! The way awesome thing though is that when I went to buy some fat jeans I was very excited that they were in fact the same size as I have been wearing...just different brands....you know...us Midwestern girls sometimes wear a more husky cut !!!! That's awful. Please don't call me husky. or burly. or chunky. or corn fed. And...no, I'm really not big boned either.

I'm just going to call it my holiday weight.

It is what it is.

Those are the most ridiculous 5 words ever put together that I've ever heard. I'm guilty of saying them because I can't say what I'm really thinking. It is what it is...no shit. If it was what it wasn't, then it wouldn't be what it isn't and it's still the same damn thing. So I say...let's do away with redundant, ridiculousness and not be afraid to say...just deal with it. As an adult, I've done my fair share of belly aching, but when I finally realized being a whining, bitching and moaning woman of a certain age was really unflattering, I cut back tremendously on my diet of "that's bullshit"; "some people are morons"; "this place sucks"; and so on and so forth....
I figure if I want my happily ever after I better not start off being a grumpy old maid.

Dear Past, Present and Future-
You've always been with me. Teaching me, reminding me-sometimes gently and sometimes with a big punch in the gut, and leading me to the person I am and will be. Thank you for being real and unwavering in your quest of making me a better person. You have taught me the value of truth, lead me to believe in faith, and helped me to realize the principles and beliefs that make me who I am.
Happy Holidays, your faithful servant, Brooke