Land of the free, home of the dead

I’m not sure what I want to write about but I know that my entire being is in a state of overflowing thoughts and concerns. I looked at a neighborhood here in Lexington that is on the Reservoir. Even considering buying a townhome to call mine permanently. There is something so off putting about the idea of permanence these days. The country that I have grown up in, that has given me freedoms that millions of people can only imagine and enough of everything- food, water, clothing, TV networks and blockbuster movies. A country that in its short life span has risen to the status of world Super Power.

But does being a Super Power mean that those powers are used for good? For me, history class taught me that our military skills helped saved millions of people in World War 2. I didn’t learn much about Vietnam, or Desert Storm for that matter. The bulk of history I’ve learned after high school has come from TV. A very biased and censored information source.

Does the winning team admit to cheating? Do the good guys ever do the deeds of the bad guys? Do human beings naturally feel compelled to admit when they are wrong? Are we so gullible as to believe that our status as the USA in this world is one of a humble, do-gooder that goes out to seek and serve justice in areas where no qualified judge and jury exists? Are we brain washed throughout our primary education to believe that we are the best country in the world and taught only the evidence that supports that instead of the reality that exists?

And yet we condemn every country in the world that does the same thing. People say Muslims are brain washing their children to hate America and to champion their own country and beliefs. Why do Muslims teach their children these beliefs? Is it justification of the oppression that gets dispersed throughout their countries? Do the governments of Muslim nations weave dark, evil stories of the ‘West’ in order to rally support for defending their nations and engaging in wars that only suit their interests?

Does the average US citizen realize the view outside, looking in to this country is not pretty? The horror of children killed in accidental shootings because of the negligence of their parents? The laughable waste of resources in our very own country full of hungry, even homeless men, women and children. The excesses that we can’t live without and the hours of vacation we will never take because our material lives matter more than any other part of our lives. A country with no moral priority and little encouragement that anyone, anywhere is going to stand up and demand that as a citizen of this great country we should at the minimum hold some inalienable truths to be MORE than self-evident. That we the people should give a good God damn whether or not we are living the values and the beliefs of a good and honorable nation. As the rest of the world looks at the race for the most powerful position in the world, two people brought up and put on pedestals; as the best that we have to offer to be the beacon of beliefs for all that we stand for and hope for, for our country. The world is left dumbstruck as to what has happened to allow such a mockery and reality TV show cringe worthy excuse for a Presidential election. Where is dignity? Where is diplomacy and concern for the citizens of this country? Where is the simple element of proper manners and class, honor and respect for this position of power? It simply has been beaten out of priority.

We live in a country that has 6 story high billboards of women in underwear but doesn’t want to be so put out as to see a woman breast feeding in public. We watch shows of death and violence, sex and power and allow this filth in our homes where children are being raised to be upstanding citizens.  Only to scratch our heads when teenagers shoot up schools. The uneducated arrogance that gets to root for their race over all others, and has the audacity to actually believe, through and through, that because there is a difference that must mean one has to be better than the other. The mean spirited rivalries in sports. Teaching our children that loyalty is better than grace.

Looking through the eagle eye view at the country we live in, the world sees injustice, inequality, corruption, oppression, addiction and citizens who aren’t even batting an eye at it. The world looks into this Christian nation and laughs at what a mockery we are next to people who live good, humble and noble lives without a single belief in a higher being. The Christian Nation who has done so much less for their own, then what non-Christian nations have done for others. Walking out of million dollar churches, many parishioners drive past the slums, the ghettos, and the homeless. Making sure their car door is locked. Those who live with more than just thoughts of themselves; those who are kind, caring and not afraid to help others. This is what we should be standing for. Those who don’t act on the basis of some ulterior motive. Children, at a young age when they have not yet been initiated into the American mindset, are like this. People who have a passion for something, anything and putting it to good use, this is what we need more of in our neighborhoods, communities and towns.

People like my mother, who opened an entire recycling center in the late 90’s when only a few dumpsters would have done the job.

People like the teenagers that formed a cheering section for the juvenile detention center basketball team, because no one was there to cheer them on when local high school teams came to play them.

People like the numerous young entrepreneurs under the age of 12 that have seen a need in their schools for children who didn’t have lunch money or went hungry over the weekend. Children taking action to do for others because there was no reason not to.

Imagine your city, your street if you knew more people on a personal level. Celebrating life’s great events. Like my sister Carrie who put together a party at the local park, paying for the band and bringing people together for the experience of community. If community meant more than the fancy name of some subdivision in some cookie cutter suburb that can be found in every state of this country, then imagine who we might have running for President instead.

There is a great war going on, although here in the US we are lead to believe that we are sending our military troops in to do the right thing, the best thing for the citizens of war torn countries. That the leaders of our country are fighting the good fight. Countries being terrorized by the very rebels we armed when we needed them. The US has currently built up military fronts on the western border of Russia, with more troops than what was at the height of the cold war. The US has stock piled more and more nuclear weapons than any other time in the history as a country. The US Military has trained with Australia ways to block China from getting through to the Middle East for reasons we are not quite privy to. We killed millions in Iraq, Yemen, Libya, Somalia, Saudi Arabia, Syria and who knows where else over the last 10-15 years, but most of us don’t know anything about that. Most don’t know that we’ve sold weapons to rebels, countries and military groups that are engaged in genocide, war crimes and worse. A lot of Americans can’t understand why so many foreign countries look down on us in disdain. We the people are the bullies of the world. We have our freedoms and insist that everyone else have our same governmental ideology. No one else in this world has the right to be anything but like the American way. A homogenous world of American democracy looks a lot like a dictatorship. Comply or die.

We have been living in beautiful ignorance for far too long. My mind churns out ideas for change. My heart hopes for de-escalation of the war stances that the US and Russia have taken. I think of my niece and nephew, playing in my parent’s pool. Swimming and laughing because they don’t have a care in the world. Going to sleep in beds that are in houses on quiet streets. And just as I get to that sweet image, I have flashes of Trey covered in the dust of a bombed out city. Running over rubble, with thundering sounds of bombs and guns. How can I protect him? How can we protect our children, our families from the inescapable judgment the world wishes to unleash on us, for the doings of our government leaders. The nations’ citizens will be judged for the crimes of their leaders.

This terrifies me, for our leaders have a long, bloody atrocious list of crimes.

May peace find you and may you share it with the people you meet.  

So there I was...: I found the broken pieces of my heart on the top o...

So there I was...: I found the broken pieces of my heart on the top o...: So there I was- sitting with three amazing women that I had gone to Bali with last year. It was as if we were still in that beautiful villa...

I found the broken pieces of my heart on the top of Big Bear

So there I was- sitting with three amazing women that I had gone to Bali with last year. It was as if we were still in that beautiful villa, cocooned in our vulnerable but safe haven in Kuta.  A place that felt like the safe shelter of the covers that you hid under with your brother or sister when your parents were fighting. It's interesting that at the top of some random mountain (Big Bear, CA) the 3 of us could just start where we left off. It seemed as if I had just seen these sisters last week. As I had looked forward to this trip in August, even though I found out it ruined my 40th birthday surprise party, I felt so blessed to have worked through so many things with them in the past and would now enjoy the hysteria of our combined personalities. We were all pretty damn funny and entertaining! I'm not sure if it was my slight panic (is panic ever slight? ok.. not panic- maybe fear) of heights riding up the ski lift, or the altitude of 7400 ft- but for some reason our lunch at the top of the world unraveled me completely. Trust me when I tell you that I didn't see that coming.
Having lunch over the excitement of getting out of a stressful, life sucking job, celebrating the journey of starting a Master's program, even tiptoeing through the giddy anxiety producing new relationship and all of the hurdles these events required jumping, there was confidence in the path ahead - the 4 of us had all seen transformation after Bali. None of those 3 scenarios were me of course. No- from left field came, from a glued together, broken space, a barrage of pain. I believe I even said in stunned awareness, Holy Shit. As in Holy Shit, I need some serious therapy.
If you've read either of my blogs, the other being thriveingratitude.blogspot.com, I talked last fall about vulnerability. I had met a man that I saw wonderful things in and I hopped onto a ledge based on mutual verbalized thoughts and said that we should be exclusive. He said no. It was a crash landing that I NEVER want to experience again. Ever. On the top of our small space in California that afternoon- besides reliving that rejection, reliving, the now conscious understanding that my request for exclusivity was in fact a ploy to minimize my vulnerability, I allowed another devastating blow to escape my subconscious. Wait, make that plural- blows.
We all have events in our lives that help set the timeline of our lifespan- besides birth and death that is. Reaching puberty, first kisses, losing our virginity, graduation, marriages, children, divorces, deaths of relatives, maybe even our own health scares. We all go through these things for the most part. Some more, some less, but I am certain that we have all been scarred in some way shape or form. It makes an even playing field.
No.
No on so many levels, no. This idea of a "playing field"- some universal space that we are all destined to go through the same struggles of life, as if it is some 'rite of passage'. NO. (Sorry Mom- ya may wanna skip a few lines, I mean- paragraphs). My field has it's own land mines, and I would never minimize your land mines to make us even. Our fields are not equal. The pain each and every one of us carries is inescapably our own private anguish. Thankfully or not, the subconscious does a great job of hiding these unfortunate scars.
I gave my virginity to a guy that I loved and cherished, beyond measure. We waited until the timing was right and on a beautiful night together, it happened. Of course it was awkward for me because- well, it's sex. It wasn't the first time for him, and the shear anxiety I had about my naked body alone was enough to make me want to puke. As I shared this story on Big Bear last weekend, I felt like I was that young woman again. I felt the shame of it come to crumble my thin layer of self-esteem, all over again, because after "the sex" was done- he accused me of not being a virgin; The guy that I had on a pedestal put me 6 feet under. I had given all that I was, to him, and he called me a liar. I couldn't tell you anything about the rest of that night- his words left me with only one small memory. A memory to never give all of myself to anyone. I'm not sure if he believed my pleads of honesty about it, not that it mattered. When I gave him all of me, he left me feeling unworthy of being loved physically and emotionally. He was not intentionally planting these feelings in me. I can see from his point of view that he meant to believe that I was a virgin, but the act of sex itself didn't allow him to perceive that I was.  There is more to it than even just that, but it's various other histories that are not mine to tell. What I can tell you though is that it was just a week ago that I realized that one night, 23 years, 13 days and 2 divorces ago, I broke a piece of my heart away and buried it so deep that I only found it on the top of a mountain.
It still makes me want to puke just thinking about it. Now that it is being carried on my sleeve, with a few other pieces of my heart that I have uncovered, I want to drape myself in beautiful linens and never lose these pieces of my heart again.
Why am I showing you this shame? You may think- shame? Why is she calling it shame? Brene' Brown talks about shame and vulnerability and I'm sure I've mentioned her before. She defines shame as the belief of being inherently 'bad' (unworthy, less than..etc) and guilt she defines as doing bad. We've all felt guilty about something- hurting someone's feelings, lying to a friend, even calling out sick to work. But this? This is my shame. Even more- my shame is that I do not feel strong enough to to try again. Remember that ledge last fall I thought was a safe bet, but ended up being devastated once I got out there? That I was told in no uncertain terms, that I was amazing and such a great match, but that even with those qualities, I wasn't enough- yep, it's on my sleeve too.
To add insult to my vulnerability resilience- earlier this year I was told by someone that I love, someone that I would give my life for, that I was "fucking stupid for going to Greece because I was helping people that would come to the US and kill us."
I was shamed for being someone that I thought was good and decent, that I thought would make them proud of me.
These events, these happenings came out of me and flooded the air around us on the top of Big Bear. I started and couldn't stop and the wide eyes of my Bali sisters only made me think that my sleeves were bleeding and making a mess, and I never wanted to be thought of as a mess.
If this were you talking to me, I know what I would tell you- I would validate that those are some seriously heavy things to work through. I would tell you that one of the most difficult things has already been done- the realization of the self-protective walls that have been built, and acknowledging that those walls are keeping wonderful things from happening and need to be taken down. I would tell you that in all of those painful memories were people who reacted out of fear and misunderstanding on their part and not on the inherent truth of who you are as a person. I would tell you to stop carrying their projected pain around.
In this shirt of broken pieces, I feel safest with those arms wrapped closely to my body. There is less of a feeling of being vulnerable. Wearing this shirt, with the broken pieces of myself on it's sleeve, I do laundry, go grocery shopping, read, work, visit my family and friends, attend church, laugh, and stare off into the sunset. The view from Big Bear showed me that when I wear this shirt, I do not trust, date, care or even hope for those things. I can not bear it. I do not seek friendships with the new people I meet. Instead, I project onto others this emergent need for them to help the hurting children in this world. The children of Syria and South Sudan. I project onto others the belief that there should be no support for someone who shows contempt or disdain for women, this man who is so narcissistic and foul to my senses. Who would certainly call me names and belittle me if I were ever so unfortunate to be in a room with his ego maniac self. An arrogant, racist bigot running for president no less.
These uncovered pieces of my heart, that have taken rest on my sleeve, don't feel like they are bleeding so much anymore, but that they are fossilizing and shrinking, one sleeve on top of the other. At times I even find myself blaming men for all of the world's ailments. Women are not raping and pillaging African villages. Women are not beheading captives or burning children alive. Women are not beating refugees in the streets or at the borders. Women are not buying toddlers as sex slaves. I feel the bile in my throat and the anger in my heart. Which makes me realize that the security of my closely wrapped shirt is nothing but an illusion. Because when I look at myself in the mirror, I see that it has become a straight jacket. And it is heavy. I am weary of the prospect of healing these wounds. Opening scars of such caliber may even be more painful than the original injury. I ask myself what good it would do. That someday I may fall in love again- not worth it. To foster truly meaningful, deeply connected friendships- I've got as many friends as I need. To have faith and hope in the human race- have you seen our presidential candidates? To have hope that I am worthy, good, decent and lovable- and can trust others with my wounds- sounds good - but ultimately, I must heal these wounds because I want to be a light in this world. I want to be a smile and a loud laugh. I want to inspire others to do the same. I want to show the world that my scars exist but will not nail me to be an unmovable heart. I want to grin and say I have hurt much more deeply than this sweet child. I want to lean in and whisper- "Those pieces of your heart were not yours to keep. Now, it's time to let them go find their true owners, because sweet child, the more of your heart you give away the more you get in return."
I do know one thing for sure- just by allowing myself to write this, to show up and honor my ability to do the best I know how to do, then and now, I have gotten the love and support from the only person that makes a difference, and that's me.

So there I was...: Divided we fall

So there I was...: Divided we fall: There was a coup last week where the military attempted to overthrow the government. In multiple cities, with bridges closed by tanks and s...

Divided we fall

There was a coup last week where the military attempted to overthrow the government. In multiple cities, with bridges closed by tanks and soldiers. Many were killed and many more were wounded. The civilians, the citizens that have lived there all their lives, wouldn't stand for it. They rose up and supported their elected officials. They killed soldiers and police officers, and one could argue that they became the barbarians that they rose up to defeat in the first place. The President has continued over the last few years to chip away at some of the very freedoms that were embraced to begin with- journalists getting arrested maybe killed. Being defined as more of a dictator than anything else. Borders being guarded by armed men who have shot and killed families as they were seeking shelter from a worse hell in their own cities.
The President has detained thousands upon thousands of soldiers and police officers. The homes of many are full of families scared to leave their shelter, because of - their government? Their neighbors? Their armed forces? Who is out there? A self proclaimed militia of the people? But does that mean that the people agree with the military or the government? Is the government on your side? Or against you? The location of their homes and schools may dictate whether they are seen as likely enemies of the state. Maybe they have had discussions about the dictatorship and oppressiveness of this President. Maybe they too, like the military, felt that changes should be made. That the elected officials no longer work in service of the people, but in accordance to their own political agendas. The foreign policies of which have left their country vulnerable to attack from not one but potentially two sides of opposition forces that they have no control over.
The parents, children and young adults who have not encountered an experience like this before, they agonize over what is good and what is right. They saw their best friend get shot in the head as they were fleeing from the chaos between the military and the citizens fighting for their country. Dead. It happened to many that night. If it wasn't their best-friend it was their auto mechanic, or their high school teacher. The confusion of why and who fades away to the need to survive. Seeking shelter, you pass your neighbor but not the version of him that you have always known. He is not fearful, he is enraged, but shoots at a couple of people that were attempting to move to a safer hiding place than between 2 cars. Only one got a chance to get to safety, but the shock of watching the life leave the body in front of him, left him frozen, unmovable in that very spot..
What will the months to come bring for these people?
This was Syria, Turkey, and I beg you to imagine the possibility of it being the US. The divisive course our country in on, the embracing of hatred and the belief that your government is against you- maybe trying to take your guns, what would it take for a coup to occur here? Racial relations are worse than after the Rodney King incident in LA. If you are a minority, who do you side with if you don't side with the government? Safety in numbers? Or do you take up arms and defend to the death what is best for you and your family? Your neighborhood? Your state? If you're a black man in America, who do you side with? Anyone but the white man merely out of principle? And you, the white folk in the US- feeling persecuted for your success, your unfound fears of  Muslims, Hispanics, African Americans- who else is on your side? Anyone at all?
Now I ask you? What has had the biggest effect on the decisions of  "judgment" against our fellow man?
What has planted the seed of inequality and unjust treatment; of being used, mistreated, overly taxed, and robbed by the government; of your belief that you are more deserving than others, or maybe just that some are less deserving than you?
Your personal experiences? I doubt that to be true for the majority of Americans.
It's the Media. The media has force fed images and ideas into the mainstream that has us forming sides against each other. The doctor who has taken care of you for the last few years? He's different colored. The firefighter who has risked life and limb regardless of race, color, age, or address- he's not even originally from the US? The nurse who cared for your father- she speaks English with a thick accent? Your soldiers, that have fought to protect our country, might just be from some of those Middle Eastern Countries that you think are full of terrorists. So think about it- whether you are Trump or Clinton fans. Whether you are American or Foreign, Black or White, Man or Woman.. Is the venomous debate through a computer screen really making a change for the better? Is the bashing of someone because of who they vote for going to bring positive changes in this country? Does the media give rise to  the end all be all of pot stirrers? The answer you are looking for is yes. How about we worry more about working together towards better solutions than losing friendships over various media postings that have slanted the truth, if not out right lied, to push their agenda. Coming together for good will bring us all closer to what we all want. So I ask you to stop and listen. Stop trying to spout off reasons for not hearing. Can our concerns really be so damningly different?
Our country is not immune to treason, dissention, and attacks from within. So should we look at that possibility in an honest effort to find common ground before we find ourselves hiding between cars, locked behind doors and unable to distinguish between friend or foe?
You might be asking how?
Start with your next political conversation, your next post about the killings of black men and police. The next rant and ridicule against your government that you have every right to ridicule but also have every right to work at the city level, county level to make changes. Keep your finger pointed to yourself, because if you cannot find a place of peace and compassion inside of you, you will never find it in someone else.

I say enough already

I walked under a weeping willow tonight- I felt the heaviness of my worries, sadness and anger. So many things going on in the lives of those I care about. It was a beautiful night. It's easy for me to say that. I am cocooned by the certain anonymity of my life. I can enjoy the simplicity of a clear sky and lightening bugs. I have no worries in the grand scheme of things. Are these wrinkles starting to freak me out? Hell yes-ish. But, when I peel away social expectations, they don't bother me at all.  I come from a small family, a small town, and even though I was not raised in any certain way, be it Catholic, Christian, atheist, etc... I hold some things to be unwavering truths. Clearly written in stone. Black and white.

The rape of another person is wrong. There is not a position in society, or a color of skin that should ever give that a free pass. There are no circumstances, conditions, or assumptions that make rape ok. 

That goes for every age, every sex, every culture. Rape as a weapon of war- apparently being done in our own military, should be considered more than a war crime. It is NOT ok. It is not deserved by any woman, man or child. It is NOT. It is not morally acceptable for Giants to crush ants just because they are bigger, and just because they can do it and get something out of it. If you take advantage of people because of what you have and they don't- you are raping them of something- maybe a job, money, education, maybe credit where credit is deserved. If it is not yours- it is not yours to take just because you can.

Abusing children falls under this category. Children are to be protected. Any sick, twisted, person, especially parent, that makes their child perform sexual acts with animals, should be put to death. There should be no concerns about "vocabulary" and "definitions"- the violation of the sacred relationship that SHOULD exist between a parent and a child, should be punished. The punishment should fit the crime- not be debated over because of historical language. When will it be okay for the average man and woman to stand up and say enough is enough?? Who is fighting for those kids?

If you have guns in your home, and the consequence is the accidental death of a child or family member- then guess what- you should be held responsible. When will common sense prevail? When will people be held accountable? You thought it was funny that your 4 year old took a picture pointing a gun and throwing up gang signs- then laugh when that child at 16 kills someone, or gets killed by someone because he was made to live and "be" beyond his years. Your child? Your punishment. Under age- means parental responsibility. If you can't get control of your child then you might look and see if you even have your own shit together. Stop letting kids watch violent movies. You have the right to say no. Stop letting children watch shows or movies with sexual content in them.. if you don't think it hurts them, then I ask you to take a look around at the world we are living in and say "Do you really think it helps?" Do children even enjoy childhood anymore? Are they allowed to become bored and whiney because there's nothing to do? Are they allowed to be told they can only watch 2 stations on cable? Are they allowed to have their TV time limited? YES. yes. Yes. YES. For the love of all that is good and right- look around you. How are you living? Keeping to yourself and your family. Not intruding on anyone else, even though you might suspect something is wrong? It is our fault. OUR fault that this world is becoming unsafe for children, women, the elderly and the poor. Where are the real men in this world? Where are the men that are showing up and standing up for their wives, their daughters, their sons. Why aren't we celebrating them? 

It sickens me. People would rather be politically correct than morally responsible. Who is your judge and your jury? Your government? The criminal justice system that allowed OJ Simpson to go free? Or pretty boy Brock- who only gets a few months in jail, when it's all said and done? If you're happy that the US Government supplies you with your moral code than I say- how about aiming higher? How about standing up for what is right? Our citizens who have volunteered to protect this country should never go to sleep hearing the traffic on the bridge above them. WE, as the benefactors to the services they provided should not look away because they are addicted, and/or mentally ill. No one ever said freedom was going to be pretty. And look at what they have fought for- what do you see?

Look closer--- can't pinpoint it? It's an apathetic society unconcerned about how their lifestyle is actually possible. Ungrateful. Arrogant. And I hate to lay it on the line like this- but we are going to get what we deserve. A government who considers soldiers expendable- who do you think they will throw under the bus when the soldiers run out? How will this world fair when society actually debates over the lives of a child and a gorilla? Have we nothing better to fight for? You're voting for Trump- great. Clinton- fantastic... How about we start giving a shit about our neighbors, our cities, our states- putting as much effort into our communities as we do with our foul mouthed, name calling, and offensively arrogant judgments of the people who vote opposite of us. We are our own worst enemy. But let's go ahead and treat each other like bullies on a playground so that the real issues get handled. Because that has always shown to be an effective way to run a society.

Is living every day minding my own business good enough? No. For me it is not good enough. There are things that I can do. There is an impact I can make. There are so many people in need. Yes- there are many who abuse that privilege- but standing by and doing nothing isn't an answer to that dilemma. 

Doing nothing is certainly not working. 

I'm sorry but I'm deleting you- It's not you, it's me.

In 3 months, I will be 40.
I want the next half of my life to be different. More accurately, I want the next 20 years of my life to be different. The last 20 years have been fabulous. Absolutely across the board, even the most horrible parts. It's actually the last decade that most of those horrible parts took place.
Sitting on the verge of 40, I realize life isn't meant to be a Facebook post. That entertainment held in my palm will only leave me empty handed. My mind and my body have suffered from this need to preserve my milestones and mishaps on social media. I find myself checking my phone. Which is funny, because no one calls anymore. Like when I was in high school and would pick up the receiver to make sure there was a dial tone and that the phone was actually working- in case someone special might be trying to call me. Now, we look up from our phones to make sure we don't run into things, that no one is trying to get our attention, or if the stop light turns green.
No offense to my friend's list- but there are few and far between any people on it that I really want to be sharing my life with, or more importantly should be sharing my life with. My closest people are bunched in with a lot of acquaintances and their importance to me becomes greatly diminished in a newsfeed of unimportant, trivial, and misinformed posts.
I have been an irrelevant peeping Tom in so many people's lives, that I have forgotten to keep my deepest friends and family relevant to my life.
My infatuation with inspirational videos, memes, and juicy gossip is going to continue, but only with people that I would feel comfortable giving a totally authentic hug to the next time I see them. I want rich relationships. Personal and important. So for almost all of you I am saying goodbye. I wish you well and pray for your health and happiness. Remember- don't believe everything you see or read on the internet, being small minded keeps your life small, and most importantly, don't forget to look up and interact with your world.
I must go- there is a bookshelf with 20 or more books that I haven't read, hikes I haven't taken, and an unknown number of amazing people I haven't even met.
May peace be with you-
Brooke