September 8, 2011

So there I was laying on my bedroom floor. Yankee Candle candlelight flickering on the walls while Dr. Marti Ross finishes a guided meditation on the CD player (hey..I have my deep side!) Relaxed and happy I roll to my side and about a foot from where my head was laying was a HUGE FUCKING COCKROACH! In my hysteria I am sure there was a loud scream, but I don't recall if it was a shrill girlie scream (yes. yes it was). I jump and I'm sure Michael Jordan's got nothing on me at this point! And that little bastard barely moves! Really, he was taunting me! I slide on a flip flop of death and then the little fucker scurries into the bathroom..bad move mister, carpeting might have saved you! I proceed to River Dance myself around the bathroom floor in attempt to kill the thing! In my mind..it might as well have been a Pterodactyl! IT WAS HUGE! But too bad for him, I AM the LORD of the DANCE! and he is dead. Some of you may remember my previous "roommate" that had a bad run in with a shower curtain rod and the bathtub. Tragic. Although this dinosauresque roach may have had the last laugh since I think I sprained an ankle in the all the flailing, I mean dancing, and there was the part that involved me scraping up dinosaur goo, legs, and possibly roach eggs. It might have been genocide. I could have killed what was possibly millions of generations of Dinosaur roaches. Now Nato will be on my ass for violating the Geneva Convention! Great. I'll be in prison. I won't do well in prison. They surely won't let me have a fan and eye patches to sleep with. This is not looking good for me especially considering they probably put roaches on the payroll at the prison. Roach spit in my food. Heckling me because they'll all know I am a roach killer. It's not good. Not good at all.

Dear Lord... Please forgive me for accidentally dancing on that beautiful creature you blessed my home with. My heart breaks for his/her family as they will surely be impacted by the loss of their loved one. On a positive note, they will get more food, cuz DAMN that bitch was huge! Your faithful servant, Brooke.