So here I am, after months and months (and months) of not posting to this blog, needing a place to speak on some important issues. I have been cheating on this blog by writing another one. Thrive in Gratitude was the blog I started after a little come to Jesus meeting I encountered in December 2014.
My inspiration for the following is spurred on by the too numerous to count articles that go something like this- '15 things women need to do before they are 40'; '20 things I learned in my 20's'; 'Why your 30's will be your best decade ever'.
As a woman, I feel like 90% of articles read like a grocery list. I'm pretty sure the 10 best moves to have a bikini body never worked. I'm absolutely certain that the top 5 fat burning foods haven't been all that was promoted of them either. And for the record, there has not been one resolution, New Year's, or otherwise that I have ever kept.
It's petty. All of these notions of generational wisdom and split second self improvement are toxic.
Let's face it- there are no 2 lives, regardless of what generation they are or are not in, that are full of the same struggles and supposed growth and knowledge that has come from the triumph over said struggles. And if there is ever a resolution to have, it would be to STOP READING BEAUTY/FITNESS/GLAMOUR MAGAZINES. They are the most passive aggressive bullshit slingers you'll ever encounter.
Take a step back for a minute. Pan out from the lens of your life's video recorder and look around. Do you see all those men who walked off the cover of GQ magazine? No you don't. So, why in the hell are you putting yourself up in comparison to some extreme standard that even the models have to be airbrushed to make. Aren't you over it, all that self inflicted soul crushing negative talk that seems to ramble on continuously in your brain? Don't you just want to say 'Shut Up already'?
Now, take a huge leap back from yourself and forward in time. Maybe it's only been a few months that you've spent time with the bitch in your brain, but I'd bet it's been a very complicated long term relationship. So, 2 years, 5 years from now- are you still going to be listening to the biggest liar you know? Are you still going to be held down by the fact that you're not a multi-million dollar making model, who still gets airbrushed? More importantly, are you still going to be living your life on that small of a scale? Folding in on your life instead of expanding? (Shut up. no I did not mean your waistline). The world is passing by and you're on a self loathing treadmill, riding a pity train through the life that you don't really find fulfilling anyway. What in the hell for?
I met a woman, 100 years old mind you, and her son, 67 years old, today at Panera Bread. She talked about their travels when they went around the world. Around the WORLD, not the block, or the USA, the freaking WORLD. Her favorite place was Kenya (Africa keeps calling to me!) and he found it hard to narrow down. Rio for partying he said. Sri Lanka was a favorite and when it came up that I was traveling to Greece they both enjoyed telling me how they had gotten so drunk on Red Zenith when on a greek island, that they looked just like those 2 drunks you always see in the movies, with elbows interlocked, swaying and singing all the way back to the hotel. I don't know how old the duo was on their amazing adventure of world travel, but I could tell it lived in them. Adventure that is. I asked how they afforded such a wonderful lifestyle to take the trip and the time. He said they lived cheap and traveled cheap. They both loved being in the world so much that having a simple life was part of the joy.
I would like to point out that neither of them said that they got some great advice from a to-do list in a magazine. Neither of them said they worked super hard to get in the best shape, have the best job, and the perfect hair before their journies. What they did do was sponsor an African family in Kenya with 6 children, and put them all through school. Visiting the family in Africa and sharing in their lives made the simple life they lived feel extravagant. Two of the African children are now living in Florida. What an impact this family has had on theirs.
I have lived a lot of years, A LOT of years, full of disgust for myself. Life was generally easy and carefree, but the longer I listened to the bitch in my brain, the more I struggled with depression. Until I couldn't even stand taking my next breath. How sad to have lost so many lifetimes in those years. I know that the biggest changes came when I started being grateful, for everything. Seeing the beauty of life in some of the ugliest places. I've been lucky to have the nursing profession as a form of therapy. Helping others, caring for others, giving to others of yourself, these things can affect a person's mood. Do these things on purpose, and it will change your life. Stop trying to be perfect and start being happy. If you don't know what makes you happy, which I didn't really know, until I stopped being so "self-centered", then I suggest you take a long look in the mirror and acknowledge the person looking back at you, because you haven't spent enough time taking care of her. She may even seem like a foreigner. If you're looking at your reflection and you don't see someone you love, I humbly suggest you find ways to figure out why. I'm a strong believer in therapy. It's some of the best money I've ever spent. Your life will suck until you like, if not love, the person you are living it as.
I have one other nugget of advice- live for something bigger than you. I'm not talking on the level of your husband, children, family, I'm talking about something that breaks your heart and punches you in the gut when you hear about it. Those things, those passions, are where your humanity lives and giving of your time, energy, prayer, money, whatever, will have a positive, lasting ripple effect in your life. In your well-being and happiness.
Happy January 4th. May you let your heart rule your brain and not some bitch.
Love,
Brooke
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