October 28, 2013

So there I was, looking into the sad eyes of a friend who was recounting the end of a relationship that had been going great. Funny...last week, this actually happened twice- (one couple 20 somethings, another 40 somethings). We've all been there, but then again, no story is alike and no tear falls the same way. What is alike is that it leaves every woman feeling that they are too much and not enough at the same time (borrowed that from a great book). Too needy, too emotional, too clingy, too high maintenance, too MUCH. Not casual enough, not carefree enough, not sexual enough, not into sports enough, not ENOUGH. My mind likes to have a lot of physical attributes- not pretty enough, not sexy enough, not skinny enough, laugh too loud at my own jokes. Whatever a woman's "too much's and not enough's" are they are a representation of all of our biggest fears being projected onto the loss of yet another guy. Ultimately, the big question always becomes..."What is wrong with me? Why am I not worthy of being loved?"
Which of course is horseshit.
And I'll tell you why.

I went out by myself about a month ago and had some drinks, meeting this guy and his female friend who were lots of fun. The guy was funny and quick witted- an actual match for the speed of my mind, but I wasn't at all attracted to him. We shared the usual stories of being divorced, no kids and what not. Ironically enough I got the female friends phone number, as she was a hoot too, a single chic, without kids who might be a fun wing man from time to time. The next week I get a text from the dude. Of course, I didn't know right away who it was and when he asked "Do you know who this is?" and I said "God" I laughed out loud at my own genius. He made a comment that he figured I would have asked his female friend for his number, which I didn't, and it was awkward, the end. Do you know that when discussing this with the chic, he is actually married with three kids? No joke. The moral to the story is this- there is not a damn thing wrong with anyone.

Men, women and children. We are all a bit off center for so many, many different reasons. When we try and bend and twist into what we think the ideal woman is, we just end up shooting ourselves in the proverbial vagina. As great as the vibe might be with a guy, as wonderful as things are going, and as awesome as the sex is- there is NO guarantee that it means squat. Enter the broken heart- the heart is bruised up from pride and an over active ego, but broken from losing the dreams of what could have been. The heart and mind are spastic bastards- yacking in our ears about it having to be our fault that another guy obviously rejected us for being such losers. Again- total horseshit. Really- the voices inside the head are mean spirited and crazy! So don't listen to that propaganda. Go ahead and think of cute baby names. Imagine your ideal wedding, honeymoon and the gorgeous house. What we must all do is stop LIVING for what we want the future to be and start making our lives actually happen for us today. Men come and go for stupid reasons. Afraid of commitment, mommy issues, daddy issues, too intimidated by a woman who really does have her shit together. Men will figure their own crap out when it's time. So stop beating yourself up for not finding "the one" in every great relationship. Life is a path of detours and potholes- enjoy the ride and make the most of the moment.

Dear Mother Mary- Men suck on a grand scheme when it comes to relationships, dating and love in general. If you could find it in your heart to kick them in the baby maker and straighten them out, we would be most happy and thankful.
Your grateful servant- Brooke-I-speak-for-all-amazing-women-who-have-put-up-with-this-horseshit-for-too-long-and-TOTALLY-not-bitter-at-all-Albertson.