June 21, 2013

So apparently it's the first day of summer. Living somewhere that actually has seasons is refreshing, even if this particular season seems to make areas of my body sweat in volumes I would rather not talk about. I mean...one of the many questions I would ask the almighty creator would be "what in the hell is accomplished with sweat that can run down the crack of my back door business?" Let's talk necessity here. Have you ever thought to yourself, Self- 'Thank God I'm sweating like a whore in church, it is really cooling off my ass crack.'  Or have you needed to jump in the pool while laying out because doing so will cool off your poop shoot? NO. I'm thinking that there are places that sweat glands should and should not be. Can I get an Amen? I will not bring up my dismay of sweaty buddha belly rolls. Sometimes, it's better to just stay inside. (a pondering just crossed my brain- maybe the sweaty crack is why all the gangsta wanna be's walk around with their underwear showing- letting that crack breath a little! Like a fine red wine).

Other questions I might consider posing to the One who knows everything-
1. See above paragraph
2. Who died and made you boss?
3. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
4. Where's the beef?
5. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
6. Does everyone think I'm hysterical or just the people that know me?
7. Why does my nose itch immediately after I put on sterile gloves?
8. If a tree falls in the woods and there is no one around to hear it, does it still make sound?
9. If a man talks in the woods and there is no one around to hear him, is he still wrong?
10. What is the purpose of the appendix (in our bodies, not the one in books, duh!)
11. Does that dress make my butt look fat?
12. Do all dogs go to Heaven?
13. Are we all really in the Matrix?
14. What is the purpose of life?
15. Could I dig my way to China?
16. Is there anybody OUT THERE?
17. Will you tell Beetle when she gets there that she really was THE BEST DOG EVER!

Dear One who knows everything-
I have enclosed these questions as a brief sampling of the many, many questions that plague us humans. We would like answers, either via email, text, or YouTube video.
Sincerely, Your faithful servant- Brooke-no-I-didn't-pee-my-pants-that's- just-my-ass-sweat-Albertson